I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The beer is more important than you right now.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
