Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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