he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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