I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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