My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
