The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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