nut hugger
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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