Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
