As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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