My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
