I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
love makes seman taste better
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
