I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I can text with my tongue
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
my shit smells like andre
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
