I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I can feel your judgement through the phone
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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