I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
