I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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