You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
