She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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