i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
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