I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
