he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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