This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
