What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
