Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
