Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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