Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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