yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
