Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
