Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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