I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
