He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
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