You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
