I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
