youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
