In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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