Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
pop tarts are not kleenex
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
