is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
