'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
if i died would you start the facebook group?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
