What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
