Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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