I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
