been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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