I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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