FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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