i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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