im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
how does that bad decision feel?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
