I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
