watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
