Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
