Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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