So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
North Korea, Best Korea!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
