I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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