PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
