Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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