he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
