I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
