The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
